To All The Man-Unicorns

“Men are underappreciated”, said no one ever.

Except Kat.

Hold your horses! Before accusing me of supporting the male patriarchy, hear me out. Purely from the perspective of seeking mates, don’t you think we hold men to some pretty unfair standards?

Must be tall, must have well defined abs, pecs, deltoids and lats. Must be gentlemanly and respectful, with victorian ideals of chivalry. He must also be the pursuer, the one who asks us out, makes us swoon and ultimately win us. While at the same time he must respect our boundaries and let us be the strong independent women that we are. He must be a…pink unicorn? No, make that a sparkly pink unicorn.

So, to rectify this appalling oversight, here’s a poem dedicated to all men who are someone’s crush, boyfriend, partner, fiancé or husband. Or…at least hoping to be. You guys are very important to us, for so many reasons.

Disclaimer: This is meant to be in humor and if this offends anyone, well, my bad.

Oh male half of the population,

You are worthy of admiration,

I am grateful that you exist,

Despite the occasional frustration.

 

I’m so thankful for the spiders you kill,

You’re in possession of a critical skill,

You make up for my vertical handicap,

By reaching the top shelf for the garlic dill. 

 

The giant t-shirt I stole from you that night,

You’re never getting it back, its mine by right,

Those slightly squishy abs are so very useful,

When I need a pillow for my movie tonight.

 

Lighting, angle, am I in the frame?

‘You look great’, you exhaustedly claim,

But get ready to click a gazillion snaps more,

Coz Instagram pics are a whole ‘nuther game.

 

I’m a sloth, can you pass the lip gloss?

You’re so sweet, you let me borrow your floss,

And at the end of a long day at work,

You listen to me complain about my boss.

 

I make you open my jars of jam,

Watch those biceps flex, hot damn!

You have to wait endlessly at brunch

While I take perfect pictures of the ham.

 

I don’t know how this poem began,

But I’m totally your biggest fan,

You guys are great, much love to y’all,

What would I do without you, oh man!

So, after seven verses of that, I hope you’ve cringed enough to never feel like you are not appreciated enough. The world is made a little bit better by each and every one of you. And if you’re interested in being a male-unicorn, otherwise known as a Manicorn, please see links below.

A big shout-out to Pepe who taught me about rhythm and meter, since my poetry skills are truly awful. Also a big shout-out to Cece, JayJay and mom for being so nice. They were randomly bombarded with bad poetry at all times of the day and they never once yelled at me. Zee, who featured in my last post, would like his ‘on-blog’ name to be changed to ‘ShreyZ’ so it rhymes with JayZ, which is crazy. (Ha!)

Here are some cool links for you to look at:

If you don’t know what abs, pecs, deltoids and lats mean

A website that examines what it means to be good men in today’s society

If you want to be a manicorn.

More pictures of pink unicorns.

 

With that, I shall bow out. Let me know if you thought my poetry skills are going somewhere or I should never try to rhyme in my life again. Leave some comments, share and subscribe!!